Monthly Archives: February 2015

Llamas on the llam!

I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist this post title.

More info here.

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A message to anybody anywhere

Go out into your society

Play the games you have to play

Gather what resources you can

Use them to better yourself and others

Try to build a kinder world

Be careful

Don’t get assimilated

Don’t die

Oh, and try to have fun


Ideas for Future Trips

I’m thinking about my plans for upcoming trips. I have determined that doing my standard 250 mic trip at home is boring. It might be different once it warms up outside, but at this point I just drive myself crazy sitting around inside at home. So I want to build up a little roster of potential trips I can bust out whenever the moment’s right:

Beach trip: Done this before, it’s great with friends. It was my first trip actually. Last time I didn’t spend as much time on the beach as I’d have liked. I hadn’t yet realized that I wasn’t into watching TV while tripping, so I wasted a lot of time on that, and was also just really cautious about everything because acid in general was a new experience. If I did it again I’d be more likely to hang around on the beach for much of the day, basically doing the usual beach thing of rotating between playing in the water, playing in the sand, talking, sunbathing, playing frisbee, etc. just with the added bonus of also tripping at the same time.

Night beach trip: Alternatively, something more novel to try would be doing a night trip at the beach. We could in the late evening or something, stay up all night on the beach looking at the stars and whatnot, and then watch the sun come up over the water, and then just relax and do a little beach stuff to recuperate the next day.

Botanical Garden: It’s like a big greenhouse in DC. Could be a cool destination for a winter trip, since it’s somewhere nice and warm and alive.

National Arboretum: I’ve realized that I live quite close to the National Arboretum. Once it’s a little nicer out I could head over there and have a nice trip among the trees.

Biking: I’ve heard biking while tripping is great. It certainly seems like it would be. Biking in the city is scary enough when I’m not tripping, so I’m not sure if I’d want to be intensely using it as a mode of transportation – plus I guess there’s some chance I’d forget it somewhere, or on the flip side become over-obsessed with not forgetting it. On the other hand it would extend the range of places that I could wander while I was tripping. I should at the very least bike around a bit on the safer streets in my neighborhood next time I have nice-weather trip. Maybe I could work my way up to biking to the Arboretum, and still farther afield.

Big trip: I’ve never gone over 250 mics on a trip. I hear that there are whole new vistas of crazy trippy experiences, ego death and such, at higher doses. I’ll probably want to experiment with that eventually. Someone gave me the interesting idea of working my way up gradually: taking 50 mics more each time. Seems like a good way to not get over my head, but on the other hand a lot of my trip ideas are for going out in the world, so it wouldn’t be ideal to be at a slightly higher dose each time, never sure exactly how I would react to either the set or the setting. But of course it could get a little boring doing a series of steadily higher doses all in very controlled environments. Though I have heard that higher doses are more conducive to just lying around in bed an tripping balls rather than going out and adventuring.

Shroom trip: I recently got a hold of some shrooms through a… barter arrangement after I shared my acid with someone. So at some point before they go bad I need to look into that and try out that trip. I actually did shrooms once before, years before I tried acid, but was pretty inexperienced with drugs in general at the time and don’t remember the experience very clearly, so that’s not much help.

One-dose trip: I’ve also never done a ‘single dose’ trip. I’ve done a little microdosing, and I’ve done some 200-250 mic trips, but nothing in between. I’ve heard some people say it’s not worthwhile, while I’ve heard others rave about somewhat lower dose levels. Certainly worth looking into – though I do worry that it could end up being a little disappointing as a sort of “half-triip”. I’d definitely want to have something to do with this level, not just the trip itself.

Mall Trip: It could be call to go hang around the DC Mall and trip. I briefly made it over that way when I tripped at the National Gallery of Art, but it was cold out and so I didn’t spend much time chilling outside. Could be fun to watch the sunset, lie around on the grass, check out the monuments, etc.

4th of July Trip: Don’t know exactly what my plans will be on 4th of July, but if they don’t involve people who would be annoyed at me for tripping, watching the fireworks on LSD seems like it would be pretty baller, wherever I happen to be. Maybe this would synergize well with the ~100 mic dose if I was going out on the DC Mall or somewhere truly crazy like that.

Warm weather trips: Really once the weather warms up I’m might not need as much of a trip plan after all. I could spend more time outside at my house, and could easily just go outside and walk around. Strolling around and exploring the city is great.

What else? Any suggestions for good trip dayplans / activities? Things that would be fun, or that I should watch out for, about the ones I described?


Acid in the Snow

The weather outside is frightful.

19 degrees and staying that way
Snow is coming
Inch upon glorious inch

This whole winter the storms have missed
The brief intervals of cold
And the brief intervals of precipitation
Never intersecting

Now it’s coming
It’s cold as fuck
It’s President’s day
I’m not going outside

I am however taking a hit of acid
*Just took a hit of acid
Let it snow let it snow let it snow
Let it snow let it snow let it snow


Watching Alien on Acid

I have decided to watch Alien. I just had a long, busy, day, and was sort of at loose ends. I was just getting myself worked up sitting around in my house. I went for a walk. It was a great move, it made me feel a lot better immediately. And then on top of that, I started thinking about what movie would be good to watch.

First I thought Children of Men, which was excellent. But then I thought it was a bit too much of a perfect artifice or some trippy logic like that.

So then I thought back to the best movie experience I’ve had while tripping: Jurassic Park. It is just such a great, fun, movie. My problem with other movies is that I get too caught up in the movie history and get taken out of it – Star Trek Into Darkness was awful for this. Jurassic Park was great because it was original, producing all these dinosaur tropes fresh that would then later pervade the culture.

So then I thought Alien. I had also read this review of Aliens that morning, which I now realize likely put it on my mind. I figure it’s the same sort of “lots of cool, reasonably original stuff”

11:16 PM

Shit think about ancient alien artifacts floating in space. Presumably any civilization is just throwing out an ever expanding cloud of probes and dead ships and whatnot, drifting through space. So any civilization that died would likely leave behind a lot of that sort of thing. Millions of years later it could be drifting all over the galaxy in deep space, waiting for future civilizations to find it.

I guess the real obstacle is I have a hard time seeing how a legit space based civilization could go extinct. Once you’ve got the ability to live and extract resources in space, what’s going to stop you? Even if there are huge disasters, I can’t imagine anything would be so severe as to get down below the level of there being intelligent life all over the place.

I guess it’s sort of a trope because we look out and see a sterile universe, or at least one with no obvious signs of not being sterile, so you have to deal with the Fermi paradox and all that. If the way that it works is that space faring civilizations never go extinct, then there have not yet been any space faring civilizations, because where the fuck are they?

11:40 PM

Ridley is such a badass for refusing to open the door for the away team. She says there’s a 24 hour quarantine, and that they could all die. The rest of the crew yells at her but she stands firm. Then they go around her and override her to let them in.

It’s such a cool defining character moment: she’s the one who will make the ruthless move to go by the book and leave her buddies out in the cold, for the greater good. In other situations, in other movies, that would be a dick move. Here if they had listened to her everyone’s lives would be saved.

❤ Ripley

11:48 PM

Oh crap, and then she gets suspicious of her robot crewmate because he doesn’t agree with her… awesome. Compare this to most other ‘badass’ heroines. Ripley shows her mettle when she’s just being a regular Joe, well before she shows she can do the action hero thing too if needed.

11:56 PM

2/11/2015

Ahh, what a great movie to watch! I reaffirm this decision. It doesn’t let any part of the production slide, it’s all just super-well made. You’ve got the great used future working class in space aesthetic for the humans, you’ve got the crazy Giger shit for the aliens, you’ve got the badass female main character, it does some good stuff with the AI and there are probably lots of great bits I haven’t even gotten to!

(and of course the horror aspects!)

12:02 AM

2/12/2015

Oh shit I’m watching the chestburster scene right now. They’re eating… uh oh! Problem.

What’s wrong?

Starts thrashing on the table.

They do Doctor stuff

Blood spurt and everyone freezes.

Further seizures.

FUUUUUUUCK

Oh my god it looks around at them for so long.

And then it bolts and just silence.

That can ruin your whole day.

12:06 AM

The only problem with the working class in space thing is that it’s nonsense. For a civilization at anything like our technological level, a spaceship is going to be an expensive project. This portrays the people as like what I’d expect to find on an oil rig in North Dakota or something, which I assume is the sort of look they were going for. It’s really awesome, but I just don’t buy these guys as astronauts entrusted with a multi-billion dollar interstellar spacecraft. Why skimp on crew costs when they’ll be a tiny fraction of the total?

I guess that just calls into question the whole economic system of whatever they’re supposed to be doing out there. Hauling ore? I guess the point is just to get them into the space setting, don’t focus on the specifics. Very wise.

12:13 AM

Man, Ash the robot. It’s funny, he’s very human seeming. He even smiles and laughs with the crew. But then he has software built into his brain, carrying out orders.

The ship is its own little concern, with a captain and command structure, but they care about the company Ash represents. It’s sort of like a smartphone, which you own, but really it’s still working for Apple or Google or whoever. I was recently stymied trying to do use adblock on my phone because Android has reduced the number of settings they give you access to, it seems in order to prevent apps like adblock from working. They don’t want you to block ads after all.

Imagine building straightjackets like that into an artificial personality, instead of just the phone’s OS.

And then imagine selling that artificial personality, or renting it, or whatever.

12:26 AM

Fuck and then Ripley finds out that orders have been given to treat her and the rest of the crew as expendable if that’s what it takes to recover an alien specimen.

I don’t think the name has come up, but I find myself needing it: the Weyland-Yutani Corporation is the puppet master. What motherfuckers.

12:31 AM

Oh they didn’t know that Ash was a robot? That was weird, they bashed him to pieces and then were all surprised that he was a robot? It’s funny watching these movies with relatively vague memories of them.

12:36 AM

“I can’t lie to you about your chances, but you have my sympathies”

Hahaha oh Ash you asshole.

12:37 AM

Actually until the very end (the part I’m now getting to) Ripley doesn’t really do much action hero stuff this whole movie. I guess its another memory coloration thing, that was more in Aliens.

12:39 AM

Ripley carrying the cat around at the end is pretty great I admit. It’s just such a ridiculous situation, but then you think, what are you going to do, leave the cat behind?

12:51

Oh my god this scene of Ripley undressing on the shuttle is great. Super-hot, but also just great in the unself-conscious ragged, everygirl sense. Great little moment to throw in before the final alien attack.

12:57 AM

The Alien is awfully smart to have gotten on to Ripley’s shuttle with her. What conception did it have of the ship they were on? Did it know they were going to self-destruct and get on the shuttle to escape? Is it just trying to kill Ripley and so went and hid on the shuttle to wait for her? But then it would have to know she was planning to use the shuttle at least.

So is the Alien smart? It’s hard to tell. I guess it didn’t hack into the computer mainframe or anything… though now that you mention it the mysterious corporation represented by impersonal machines does seem to be doing the alien a lot of favors.

12:59 AM

Haha oh no, suddenly there’s a brief outer space scene with unbelievably bad special effects. Like obvious guy in a costume swinging on a rope.

1:00 AM

Oh Ripley, what a great representative of humanity. Your life is driven by vast impersonal forces and terrifying entities outside of your control, but you are just making it happen, working your dumb job, getting by, and ready to do whatever it fucking takes to survive when the rubber hits the road. Keep on keeping on Ripley.

1:04 AM


Miracleman!

Or Marvelman

Miracleman!

Alan Moore is a crazy, weird, awesome dude.

One of his early comics was called Marvelman

Let me tell you a story:

It’s the eighties.

This guy is just going about his job. He has weird dreams, whatever, he’s an ordinary guy.

One day he goes to work, he happens to be a reporter, and is at a nuclear power station when some terrorists (they’re everywhere!) attack.

He gets put into deadly danger, and suddenly there’s a flash of lightning: bam! He turns in MARVELMAN! One terrorist gets his faced burned off just watching it happen.

Marvelman flies around. He has memories from his regular life, but also from his life as Marvelman, this ridiculous Silver Age of comics style super-hero, basically just a rip-off of Shazam!

Now to give context, that’s what Marvelman was, an old timey Captain Marvel ripoff, long before Alan Moore got a hold of him. He had forgettable British superhero adventures decades before Moore got a hold of him.

So in comic, he is just this dude, living in the real world with no superheroes, who suddenly has superpowers, and a memory of a life full of 1960’s comic nonsense.

He flies home to his wife, and from what I can remember, immediately has sex with her. She is suitably impressed by his superhuman form. Later he turns back into regular guy.

Ah, so now we get to what reminded me of Miracleman (the name confusion is a result of copyright issues): the “Miracleman” state is just a much better state than the dude’s regular life. He starts to develop a complex. My wife loves the superhuman version of me more, the superhuman version is better at everything, it’s a lot smarter, etc. Of course it’s him, he has the same memories and all either way, it’s just a different version of him is having access to those memories.

Sort of like, y’know, taking acid. You’re still you, just inhabiting reality differently. And then imagine how much bigger of a deal it would be if not only were your perceptions different, but you were actually physically different in the two states. When you’re in one state, you can almost think about the version of you that will be / has been in the other has something separate or other.

Anyway, ultimately the guy ‘commits suicide’ by changing into Miracleman one last time and leaving a note to Miracleman to not change back, thanks.

Quite a bummer really.

A crazy amount of additional super-crazy shit happens in Miracleman: but the conclusion to the main plot is below, so if you plan to read it (AND BY GOD, I RECOMMEND YOU DO!) and haven’t yet maybe don’t read on.

Okay my conscience is clear.

So Miracleman finds out that some alien crashed on Earth. Scientists reverse engineered its spaceship and figured out a way to make these doubles of people that would have superpowers, that they could then switch in and out of hyperspace. So at any one time either Miracleman, or regularman are in this weird other dimension, in storage, and the other is out doing stuff. The scientists (British government scientists) for some godforsaken reason decide that the way to control these superhumans is to keep them in this trippy dream state most of the time, just dreaming their lives away in shared comic book hallucinations with their superhuman buddies.

Then when they’re needed for something they maneuver the dreamers into position within the dream, wake them up and deploy into the real world, they go do something, and then fly back and go back into the dream.

It’s over-elaborate, but necessary I guess because each superhuman they create has the power of god. Think Silver Age Superman type shit. So if they just let them do what they want, they would be the kings of the Earth. You’d just have to hope that the superhumans were nice to everybody else, because normal humans would live on sufferance. On the other hand control them, and that power is at your fingertips.

Ultimately they just get too freaked out by the whole thing, the government trashes the program, tries to blow them up with a nuke, a surviving superhuman washes up in normal form and lives a life. And then he remembers all this Miracleman stuff, setting the plot in motion to reveal the above.

PS

The superhumans do indeed become kings of the Earth, and luckily they are indeed pretty nice.

I think Miracleman may be my favorite Alan Moore comic, over much better known ones like V for Vendetta or Watchmen. It may be a little less slick and coherent, but it makes up for it with balls to the walls acid trip insanity. It’s somewhat hard to get these days because copyright issues have made it difficult to publish, and also shut it down in the middle of the next big story arc, written by Neil Gaiman taking over from Alan Moore. So basically I’m saying go pirate it and read it right now.


Writing While Tripping

Onward!

Onward!

Out on the beautiful mall. The desperate desire to write in the journal because I know that’s what I’ll want later vs just wanting to have fun and look at shit haha. Quite the dilemma. History is written by one very specific side of that argument. Like “present me” is feeling a lot of pressure from “future me”

4:08 PM

Okay I will just text myself

I will have to figure out a different way to do this, but typing on my phone while walking around is a good theory

4:13 PM

I started walking around the city at this point. Still wanted to write, but the journal was too inconvenient. So the above through 4:59 were all typed into my phone, texted to my email address, and then transcribed here.

It’s an excellent rhythm for how I walk through the city

4:14 PM

Plus word suggestions and timestamps and I’m used to it!

Oh I’ve hit a whole better level of commentary

4:15 PM

I’m at the department of labor

People seem to be laboring. Carry on

20150211_161618

4:16 PM

I’m so glad to have the notation issue handled!

4:17 PM

I love this hypothetical text conversation. Who am I addressing? Future me / anonymous internet people?

4:19 PM

The concrete jungle. What a great metaphor. Was just in New York and it made me think that a lot

4:20 PM

This is just a nice day out on the town. I already went to the dentist

4:21 PM

Just panicked that I lost my sweater but I did not

4:22 PM

Actually it was my scarf I thought I had lost…

Just heard someone talking about an underground website. Possibly

4:24 PM

Surprised this isn’t more of a tourist spot

This is where it happens. This is where the government is held accountable!

This is where it happens. This is where the government is held accountable!

4:25 PM

Tripping and people watching is pretty great

4:26 PM

You don’t have whatever usually stops you from sharing people’s mental space in public

4:27 PM

Fuck, I guess I should get one?

Fuck, I guess I should get one?

Nose is cold, slowly walking home

4:30 PM

I am walking up town a few blocks east of where I came down. It’s a poorer blacker less gentrified area

4:31 PM

What does the word yuppie mean? I was thinking young urban professionals, but others were disputing that and saying it means something else now

4:32 PM

I don’t think I really use my version with anyone, so they are probably right

It’s like that episode of Seinfeld where people are calling Kramer a hipster

4:33 PM

I can see the split right here actually

Garbage

Out of the art museum part of town I guess

4:35 PM

Is my experience in the moment of my record of it more important?

4:36 PM

This bird knows what I’m talking about

PART_1423690625244_.IMG_20150211_163633

4:37 PM

Just heard a guy telling a kid he was a little fat crybaby. Brutal!

Fuck I can hear the little bastard shrieking from blocks away though, so I get it

4:38 PM

This is my art. Commenting on stuff while on acid.

4:39 PM

Had art on the brain by this point clearly.

I keep getting my wires crossed between this and internal monologue… I guess that what I wanted

4:40 PM

I think this was prompted by my being about to type something about how I needed to make a right turn coming up, and then realizing that was more of an internal monologue thought.

I am like an astronaut and my sober self is the space program

Anything I don’t bring back is not getting seen

4:41 PM

How it works around here is apparently that neighborhoods are like little tribes

And you rep your hood

4:42 PM

And I’m passing through all these borders that I’m not aware of

They fuck each other up, but why mess with some random white dude? So out of context

4:43 PM

It’s so great knowing that everyone is my friend. It must suck not to feel that way / not actually be that way

4:45 PM

But if you are one of my reddit readers, you’re probably fine.

4:46 PM

What’s this about? I feel like I’m on a scavenger hunt

The little dude to the right of the number caught my eyes

The little dude to the right of the number caught my eyes

4:47 PM

Look at all that nice stuff, we are gentrifying again!

PART_1423691325960_.IMG_20150211_164808

4:48 PM

I keep realizing I need to pee, and then remembering I already have a paln in place and am on my way

I just passed a cool looking couple that smelled like pot

4:50 PM

It’s really very nice while walking, just gets cold when you sit and stare

4:51 PM

Haha oh no finally took a wrong turn on a street I walk down every day

4:52 PM

I’m hearing “a day in the life” with the previous text

A street I walk down every day” to the tune of “a lucky man who made the grade”

Oh shit I need to turn off autocorrect

4:53 PM

I should try this level of moment to moment thought recording sober.

I guess I would be self conscious?

4:54 PM

Doesn’t sound so bad

4:55 PM

Thinking about how many miles I’ve walked today: a lot.

4:56 PM

This is the magic hour

Based on how long it’s been since I took acid

4:59 PM

The last couple times I’ve tripped I’ve gone out and done an activity (the zoo and now the museum) for a few hours during the peak, and then headed home. Sometime during the last couple texts I arrived home. The ‘magic hour’ I guess means right after I get back home and can focus on hallucinating after a long walk where I can’t stop and stare at things as much. No more texts.

Trying to get stuff done during the peppy part of “a day in the life”

It’s interesting how relationships with other people change how you think.

[girlfriend’s name] is definitely making me a lot more health conscious. Not even because she’s paying attention to my health (though she is to an extent I guess) but because she is just constantly taking actions based on how they effect her health, her weight, her appearance… I can’t think of the last time I was motivated to do anything by those… traits? Values?

It’s interesting how other people’s mental state influences your own over the long term, just through the things they find important or are concerned about.

I think of [teacher girlfriend’s name] students basically as wild animals. Living in the concrete jungles. They don’t have a decent education. Barely literate. Living in a poor, violent, area.

I think of them as animals not in the sense of devaluing them… but in terms of how much difference there is from my own life. I can most get at it with animal metaphors. Maybe because I was at the zoo the last time I tripped.

Harsh dude. Man I hear stories about these kids in inner city DC schools though, it’s crazy how bad the conditions are, not so much at the school but everywhere else in the kid’s lives. Education is not the solution to poverty, fixing poverty is how you get those poor kids to do better in school.

It’s fun to word vomit all this stuff. This is the first trip where I’ve made a serious effort to record / the first trip where I recorded with the expectation that anyone besides me would hear the recording.

Fuck, I’m definitely getting distracted by my own voice exactly like I did when I was tripping in groups.

Distracted from what? ‘real’ trip experiences I guess? Hallucinating? Not like I’m ‘supposed’ to be doing anything in particular.

If anything the only thing I’m supposed to be doing is writing, that’s the only productive activity I’m working on, the rest is just enjoyment.

Wait what?

I need to change rooms. And smoke some weed.

-5:10 PM

Haha “Let’s smoke weed about it”

The walk is important to drain energy and timestamps are vital for archaology (explain that sober self)

5:12 PM

What my tripping former self colleague is trying to say is that the above entry was in my jouranl, while previous entries had been on the computer. I knew I would eventually be compiling various different records together, and referred to the process of doing so as archeology. Well, ‘archaology’, but give me that one, I was tripping pretty hard. It has been an interesting project already putting this stuff together into semi-readable form, and there’s still much more to do.

Am I part of a whole demographic group of people whose main intellectual activity is this hyper-anonymized communication through the internet?

Like I’ve got my own peer group and everything, but if I’m thinking about engaging with ideas, or things that change the way I think, it’s basically just me reading and commenting on blogs.

That’s a bummer I guess. Like with the ancient greek city stuff from earlier, it would be sweet to … have friends? Haha oh no!

Be part of the intellectual community? Have more of a connection with my city? Have my friends be people I can philosophize with?

Some are I guess, but it’s not something I would really do, unless we were tripping I guess.

-5:17 PM

Give it up fellow members of that demographic group. I see a bunch of these types when I go to Jacobin magazine reading groups. Also, go hit up the lsd meetups subreddit.

OMG the vape is taking forever to warm up. I have been typing this whole time (above).

Art is so sweet.

Having switched to a keyboard makes me able to type a LOT faster than writing by hand or on my phone.

Not sure if the degree to which that lets me do my exact internal monologue is good or bad

5:19 PM

Writing in my journal during the day is very restrictive: it takes a lot of effort to write a little. While typing with the keyboard I can type almost as fast as I can think. Well not really, but much closer!

May have scorched my weed a little, but recovered it! Close call!

5:20 PM

I need to check that my text messages to my own email came out in not too annoying of a format…

That part came earlier.

I can probably do that tomorrow though.

When did I post stuff before?

Ugh, I worry I’m giving myself a complex with all the writing. Time for a looking at stuff and not considering how it makes me feel later break. I guess that’s what I always say when I stop writing, and then I get distracted, and see something cool, and then I want to write about it and then I’m back here oh right. On the plus side I’m getting some synesthesia or something with these sentences, so that’s cool. Oh hell no spell check. I may not know how to spell that word, but it is definitely a word!

Okay I need a break.

5:26 (hahaha) PM

I think I was amused by the time because it seemed like it had been an incredibly long time since the previous entry at 5:20. I had written some stuff, decided to stop writing, had a whole hallucinatory experience, and then started writing again. Seemed like a lot for 6 minutes.

Oh right I forgot that weed could take the pain away. Ohhh that’s the best. I get less taken over by this than by the computer.

I should have stayed at the art museum where I’d have something else to write about

5:29 PM

By ‘this’ I meant writing in the journal. I had decided to do that in the break from typing on the computer.

Oh man

I just had / am sort of still having a super awesome hallucaination

I was writing in my journal and my two fingers on my right hand had fallen asleep because of how I was sitting and that was somehow incorporate into the hallucination, like my arm was bending into a space that wasn’t there. And meanwhile I was staring at the journal writing and really focusing on that, and also on all these hallucinations around the journal

Faces and mouths and whatnot

And also in the writing

but I was writing it at the same time. And I was trying to write it down at the same time. Okay you get it. But it ended up looking really cool on the page.

And later that picture will be right there. Boom! Magic like in Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey! In the future it’s there!

Transcription: Actually now I'm having a great writing based hallucination I'm just seeing stuff I guess and I'm seeing shapes oh shit garbled-garbled-what I can only assume is the secrets of the universe-garble YAY!

Yep, in the future it’s here!

Transcription: Actually now I’m having a great writing based hallucination I’m just seeing stuff I guess and I’m seeing shapes oh shit garbled-garbled-what I can only assume is the secrets of the universe-garble YAY!

And then the next paper journal entry isn’t for many hours.

Oh right anyway, so this stuff on the page looked so cool.

And now I’m the meta part, coming down writing about writing about writing about it. And there’s not really any it except for whatever is on the page and this weird feeling I had.

Fuck I can see how real writers could work themselves into a tizzy.

Or maybe this is how real neurotic people work themselves into a tizzy?

Haha oh boy. I was thinking sort of in loops, about my writing something, and then my going back and reading it again, and then commenting on it (as I’m doing right now) and then posting it out for other people to read. And the whole concept of going around and around like that blew my mind.

Oh, though now I just had a nice hallucination about my big bag of weed filling up sort of like a peacock opening its tail, which fuck is now happening sort of with everything. I think it’s something about how the light from the lamp hits things, it’s right behind me. I will test by looking the other way.

Okyjokjlkj kjkdsjf

My Volcano vaporizer bag expanding, so beautiful.

Oh shit I think it partially had to do with how I was batting on the keyboard, and that was making it bob up and down on my leg… oh no I see what it is! My shifting weight on the mattress is making the laptop jiggle, and that’s changing how the reflection of the lamp looks in the background. But I lost it in the course of adjusting myself to write this paragraph. This is that same dilemma! Hahaha so frustrating. But now I’m having laughing hallucination from further screen jiggling, so it’s all good.

Okay, maybe on this break I will do more than just reach over to my journal.

O shit I’m having a hallucination where the yay on that same page keeps loookng like a dude, possibly with sunglasses, out of my peripheral vision. He seems to be plottign with other ridiculous drawing people, again, aargh this paragraph is literally being attacked by creatures from my subconscious

Okay I think I will take that as my cue to sign off for a sec, Jesus

-5:46 PM

I almost feel bad about how amused by my own struggle I am. I decided to leave the spelling as is on the bit above, I think it emphasizes how it felt in the moment. The word ‘yay’ in my journal also sort of looked like a pair of glasses or sunglasses. At some points they were like an anthropomorphic sunglasses man, who also sort of looked like a ‘yay’

Well… Finishing up a much longer period of absence (over an hour!).

6:57PM

Basically decided I had to take a break from writing down my internal monologue before I went nuts. I had to let a lot of clever thoughts and written records of dope hallucinations go down the memory hole, so that I’d accept that it was okay to forgot about things.

Huh, it’s actually coming back a bit when I sit here and type. Not really pleasantly. Ugh, I’m endlessly fiddling with the lighting in this room. There’s a bunch of light switches in different rooms and a dimmer on the main ones and it’s just complicated and annoying and apparently there’s no setting that works regardless of where I sit on the couch. Endless agonies haha.

Delicious Utz Bar-B-Q orange chips. They are my crack. When I was little I didn’t really know what flavor they were supposed to be, they just were what they were. So now I have that childhood memory, and they are amazing. And that’s why junk food companies advertise to kids.

7:03PM

Huh, just realized that means I probably shouldn’t be eating them either…. no it’s too late for me! I need those hedons, and my memories are already formed! Go, save the next generation! Don’t get the children addicted! It’s too late for those of us already born!

7:04 PM

Hedons, like a unit of pleasure. I don’t know how common a word that is.

On further reflection I mostly agree with the above, with a few caveats.

Fuck, I forgot what they were.

7:05 PM

Oh wait right I forgot! There’s no reason not to recount what I remember from the forgetting-period:

First I took a shower. It was great, as showers tend to be. I hadn’t showered while still really tripping before, so that was an experience. I closed my eyes, and I got this really cool sensation like my eyes were still open, to the extent that I kept wanting to blink , but then realizing my eyes were already closed.

And I would look around and it was like I was in this infinite black void – I guess that’s what it was, I was tricking myself into thinking that what I saw when I had my eyes closed was what was going on around me. And so basically I was using all of my senses in unity to sense my environment, except that my eyes were closed, so vision was just giving some vague perceptions of light, but was made up for by hallucinations. I would reach out and feel the walls of the shower, and it felt like a more complex shape than it was when I had my eyes open. It was interesting going back and forth between the two states, opening and closing my eyes, going from the shower to whatever – trapped in a clear box in some infinite hallucination filled black void.

As I write this now later it seems a little freaky, but it was quite enjoyable at the time.

Another great moment came when realizing I had control over the hot and cold water. Really it was just that some subconscious thought process was wishing the temperature was a little higher, and then I was like “hey buddy, it’s all good, look this thing goes as high as we want it to:”

It was a very pleasant sense of realization, of epiphany sort of. And of course I went to the metaphor of waking up from life. Like you realize that life was just a hallucination. That things you worry about were just something that you got worked up about mid-hallucination because you didn’t remember that it wasn’t really a problem.

Let’s say you are some immortal super-intelligent being in a super-advanced civilization You have everything you want, except one thing: challenge, excitement, danger. You are so powerful that it’s a bit boring. So what’s the intense drug of choice? You go live out a whole regular lifetime of a primitive being (like us) in a simulation with your memories erased and your mind reduced to fit. You get to experience the joys and sorrows of a lowly mortal. And then when it’s over, you die in the simulation, and find yourself waking up in the real world. And things come steadily back to you like at the end of an acid trip. You laugh that you were so concerned about your human problems, that shit has been solved.

Really just another version of the afterlife in a sense I guess – you die and realize everything is awesome after all.

7:16 PM

Figured I’d put in a timestamp.

And then I got distracted so it was a good stopping point.

It’s interesting how my subconscious is spreading out into the materials world. Like different parts of my mind can do different things at different times basically independent of each other. No, what does that mean?

7:19PM

Seriously, what does that mean?

Okay new experiment: try typing with your eyes closed:

Okay, I’m typing with my eyes closed.

It’s pretty cool.

The keyboard seems a little separated between my twohands. Like I’m less aware of the space between them, or like they’re in two different places.

It’s a little hard to type. I guess I’m going to jyst eaaccept that there will likely be a ton of typos and move on, and I can clean it up later or not as appropriate. I’m guessing it will lnneeed a lot of cleanupo.

On the other hand I’m going deeper and retaining the keyboard connection.

Dope. It would suck to wake up and realize that I wastyping aoon the wrong keys or sonmetrgungin

Oky

Okay, focus.It is like my hnads are nowhere near each other.

I just touched thumbs and it was very centering.

Lovely.

I see shapes. I’m just moving out of the part of the trip where I could just stare at anything it would be going nuts, but there are still things that will make me trip out, just fewer.

Okay, bored of that, taking a break.

7:25 PM

Decided to not clean it up, figured the typos add to the eyes closed typing experience.

Just had a nice chat with my roommate about our new fridge. She didn’t even know I was tripping. I wasn’t really trying to hide it or anything, just didn’t come up.

7:33 PM

I’m always amazed by how normal I can act when tripping when I want to.

I don’t like that big wad of cream cheese in the middle of a bagel. It’s too much. I just popped it out of this bagel.

7:35 PM

And that seems like a good break point. Next up is my trippy self summarizing the plot of the great Alan Moore comic Miracleman for some reason.