I love my job

I just started work at an office. It’s pretty great. I arrive at 9:30 in the morning, and am out of there at 6 PM sharp. I never have to spare a single thought for my job while I’m not actually there working, and barely have to think about it while I am there. The actual work that I do is basically about being able to use a search engine, and to be able to read and summarize information that you find. This is one of those things that I know theoretically is a real skillset, but to me just seems like absolutely nothing. It’s pretty much what I do in my free time. Fortunately, this has apparently made me pretty great at it. The people I work for seem quite impressed by my output anyway. And even better, it turns out that I can usually do all the work I’m given for an eight hour day in like 2-3 hours. I spread this around the day so that if I ever need to give a progress report I’m a plausible amount of the way through whatever I’m supposed to be working on. This seems to be pretty standard for office jobs, and makes me really believe those studies that say that people are at least as productive when they only work a 6 hour day. Unfortunately I’m being paid by the hour, despite having a regularized 40 hour a week schedule, so there’s no incentive for me to want to move towards that sort of schedule.

I’d feel a little bad about how I’m essentially ripping off my employers like that, except that it’s their whole business model. I was recently told to delete 5/6 of the work I had done on an assignment before sending it to a client in order to make them think this stuff takes longer than it really does, and thus make them pay my company more. And I’d feel bad about that except the company where I am has a few dozen employees while our clients are giant multinational corporations.  And it goes further! For the assignment mentioned above, our job was to recommend a list of countries to invest in. However, the list we were supposed to recommend was sent in along with the assignment. Our actual task was to pretend to put together the list by some rational method, when we were actually reverse engineering the criteria based on the desired outcome. Presumably the point of this is so that whoever is pushing for this list of countries within the client corporation can better defend and justify the countries they’ve chosen to others in that corporation. I wonder how out in the open that sort of practice is.

So I’m not producing any value for anyone. I’m scamming scammers who are scamming the scammers they work for.  Isn’t capitalism fun! And hey, it gives me time to write stuff like this at work (I also wrote an alternate history of a world where Alexander Hamilton becomes President after listening to the Hamilton musical while doing what actual work there was for today).

Life is sweet.

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