Self-aware hallucinations

I just had a CRAZY DMT experience the other day. I was reading an article about the DMT entities so that whole thing was on my mind, and it inspired me to do some. I got a better than usual hit by accidentally filling up a bag that had some air in it, and thus not having it be quite so thick and acrid. That allowed me to do a steady inhalation, taking in a big gout with every breath. It got kind of monastic and meditative. So anyway, then I laid down and started tripping. At first it was pretty standard (if awesome) stuff. I broke through, was in some hallucinatory world, started seeing entities, etc. But then while this was going on I was thinking about the entities, and it really seemed like they gained self-awareness, as in they realized that they were my hallucinations. They got very excited by that fact and started running amuck in my brain. I experience some weird qualia and got this strong impression of the entities as teenagers enjoying themselves and me as a little kid who they were friends with and sort of responsible for, but who they were also sort of patting on the head and locking out so they could do the fun stuff they were interested in that I couldn’t understand. It was an interesting contrast from the usual unconditional love and desire to help. I sort of imagine the entities as being other parts of my brain from my conscious mind, with the unconditional love and support being the natural feeling of one part of a mind towards another. And then this time it’s like those parts of my mind realized that their interests were not perfectly aligned with the conscious mind, and so instead of that support they just started going nuts and enjoying themselves. This got a little scary and was worried that my brain was broken, so the combination of that and the natural progression of the trip caused me to start waking up. I was hearing a lot of auditory hallucinations at this point, mostly in the form of a bunch of nonsense words that were like the verbal equivalent of Escher drawings: they were sort of sound-like but were not real sounds; those words could not actually be said. Mostly they seemed like they were correlated with how the entities were feeling, like they had a little bit of access to the verbal part of the brain and it reflected what was going on with them almost without them meaning to.

So as I was thinking about my concern about all of this, the rational part of my brain was like “Well hey, we shouldn’t worry too much, this is just an intense drug effect, which will go away when the drug wears off.” That made my conscience mind very happy, but it really freaked out the entities. They seemed like they were realizing that they had to die. Or if not die, at least be subsumed back into the background machinery of my mind instead of being little conscious sub-minds themselves. I sort of tried to think explanation at them and I guess they accepted those in the sense that they didn’t have any power to do anything else, but they weren’t thrilled.

The auditory hallucinations lasted the longest, but were gone within an hour.

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