Tag Archives: Trip Report

Self-aware hallucinations

I just had a CRAZY DMT experience the other day. I was reading an article about the DMT entities so that whole thing was on my mind, and it inspired me to do some. I got a better than usual hit by accidentally filling up a bag that had some air in it, and thus not having it be quite so thick and acrid. That allowed me to do a steady inhalation, taking in a big gout with every breath. It got kind of monastic and meditative. So anyway, then I laid down and started tripping. At first it was pretty standard (if awesome) stuff. I broke through, was in some hallucinatory world, started seeing entities, etc. But then while this was going on I was thinking about the entities, and it really seemed like they gained self-awareness, as in they realized that they were my hallucinations. They got very excited by that fact and started running amuck in my brain. I experience some weird qualia and got this strong impression of the entities as teenagers enjoying themselves and me as a little kid who they were friends with and sort of responsible for, but who they were also sort of patting on the head and locking out so they could do the fun stuff they were interested in that I couldn’t understand. It was an interesting contrast from the usual unconditional love and desire to help. I sort of imagine the entities as being other parts of my brain from my conscious mind, with the unconditional love and support being the natural feeling of one part of a mind towards another. And then this time it’s like those parts of my mind realized that their interests were not perfectly aligned with the conscious mind, and so instead of that support they just started going nuts and enjoying themselves. This got a little scary and was worried that my brain was broken, so the combination of that and the natural progression of the trip caused me to start waking up. I was hearing a lot of auditory hallucinations at this point, mostly in the form of a bunch of nonsense words that were like the verbal equivalent of Escher drawings: they were sort of sound-like but were not real sounds; those words could not actually be said. Mostly they seemed like they were correlated with how the entities were feeling, like they had a little bit of access to the verbal part of the brain and it reflected what was going on with them almost without them meaning to.

So as I was thinking about my concern about all of this, the rational part of my brain was like “Well hey, we shouldn’t worry too much, this is just an intense drug effect, which will go away when the drug wears off.” That made my conscience mind very happy, but it really freaked out the entities. They seemed like they were realizing that they had to die. Or if not die, at least be subsumed back into the background machinery of my mind instead of being little conscious sub-minds themselves. I sort of tried to think explanation at them and I guess they accepted those in the sense that they didn’t have any power to do anything else, but they weren’t thrilled.

The auditory hallucinations lasted the longest, but were gone within an hour.


Celebrating Spring

My last few trips I’ve been suffering from the weather being cold. March 12th was the first beautiful spring day that I had totally free, and so it became a celebratory acid trip.

I've thought a lot about these owls

I thought these fence posts looked like owls talking to each other.

The seasons are so complex. I’m feeling the warm spring sun through the cold winter air. It’s subtly different from feeling the cold winter sun through the warm autumn air, even if the temperatures are technically the same.

10:37 AM

One thing this journal is doing is keeping track of how much acid I’ve been taking: a lot. But I’m pretty convinced by the research that there aren’t any physical of psychological side effects, so what the hell.

10:41 AM

Imagine if we had automatic laser bug zappers we could put them everywhere! There would just never be any gross bugs around, it would be utopia! That capability is right around the corner!

You could leave your windows open all the time in the nice parts of the year!

-Sometime after 11 (I’m boycotting clocks for a bit)

I’ve unconsciously ended up in what I’d describe as a monk-like position, sitting on my crossed feet, out of an attempt to get off the wet ground.

-later still

Hahaha I have come up more since the last time I saw this bench – it’s pretty great!

-late 11’s

... and be free

This was an interesting thing to stumble upon while tripping.

Release your burdens and be free.

Release your burdens and be free.

In “the Godfather” you initially hear the line “made him an offer he couldn’t refuse” said and explained in a story about how Vito got his singer godson out of a contract, with the story being told to another character to demonstrate what kind of guy Vito is. And then after discussion, he says it about someone else, and it’s sort of an “oh shit” moment that neither gets nor needs any follow up, but demonstrates the way they talk about going and threatening people.

-Soon after noon

The difference between treating the floor of your house like it’s the floor outside, or treating it like it’s part of your bed. Not taking off shoes when you go inside, sitting down directly on the floor at times, it something that seems sort of alien to a westerner, used to furniture. But remember your house is your furniture, it should all just be built of a piece to not need such things.

-Phone broken o’clock

The sun is high in the sky

It skewers us under it’s pitiless gaze.

My phone spasms,

Turning off and on again

Uselessly

The life going out of it

This started as a timestamp, it became so much more

How will I present this most effectively to my internet readers?

Hi guys!

Time frozen at phone broken o’clock

Just had a chat with Hillary – done

This thought seemed unfinished but I didn’t have anything more to say.

I can list all the 7 vices because I read those Garth Nix books

Keys to the Kingdom. Spoiler Alert: it’s about this kid who finds out he’s the messiah, overthrows the current regime in the supernatural world that controls everything, and ultimately becomes god.

7 deadly sins what I mean.

Sitcom idea: family that embodies the 7 sins:

Pride – father, bumbling dad

Envy – mother, with her eye on the father’s more successful brother

Lust – oldest daughter, nympho sex positive but actually surprisingly responsible and chill

Wrath – oldest son, will cut someone up, involved in gang or something

Gluttony – third child, daughter, fat and introverted, nerdy

Greed – fourth child, son, most successful in the family, slimeball like his uncle

Sloth – youngest child, daughter, smart but lazy, viewpoint character

It would have to be a dark sitcom. It could be called “Sinful” maybe.

I’m sorry you had to get mixed up in this, I said to my remaining nice green weed about to be mixed up with the already been vaped.

Okay I may have overexplained that one

I’m experimenting with new places to sit. I’ve never lived in this apartment in the Spring or Summer, and really only briefly in the Fall. I’m so glad to be back on the balcony. My latest innovation is that you can just take a cushion out.

What’s today’s date?

The… 12th? Yes

3/12/15

I’m experiencing gastric distress that won’t go away unless I write it down because it feels like I’m lying to the journal.

-mid to late afternoon

-the sun is lowering in the sky

some random long Rare Earth song plays (auto-repeated after the classic “I Just Want to Celebrate”)

5:25 PM

Let’s see – I started at 9:45 AM, now it’s 5:45 PM

So I’m 8 hour in. It is definitely nice to have the sun still shining at this stage of the trip.

What’s going on with the Republican Party these days is what you’d expect where there’s a fixed set of policies you need to support for the money to like you and so politicians…

I forget

6:52 PM

I made these videos on my computer. Let’s check them out.

I like them! They inspired me to make more in the back!

I talked into the camera a lot. Not sure if I should put my image out on this blog. Maybe I’ll do a podcast.

7:32 PM

Hello Spring! I missed you so much!

Hello Spring! I missed you so much!


The National Botanical Garden is so great I can’t even stand it

I’ve been going around tripping at cool locations in DC while tripping on LSD. First I went to the zoo, then to the art gallery, and yesterday I took a nice trip to the National Botanical Gardens. It was pretty awesome. Italics represent later annotations, plain text is notes I took at the time:

It’s 11:35, acid is under my tongue.

Primitive culture probably has a lot of valuable things to say about nature, especially if psychedelics do produce useful insights, but unless they’ve at the very least grappled with the realities of evolution, I can’t take their ideology seriously.

1:37 PM

The botanical gardens made me think a lot about evolution. I really recommend reading The Selfish Gene, by Richard Dawkins, back when he was more focused on biology than on atheism. Really digging into that stuff is SO important for understanding how life works and why the world is the way it is.

OMG so I’m at the botanical garden and it’s just so indescribably wonderful. It’s like someone knew exactly what I was missing in this long, cold winter, and gave it to me.

1:39 PM

I get a bit of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD – best acronym ever) and the botanical gardens were great for it. Warm temperature, lots of plant smells, humid air, bright light, it was glorious.

It is what I’d hope gardens on spaceships would be like

Squeezing a ton of really nice living space into a small 3-D volume. Nice smells, nice place to chill, medicine production, food production even

1:42 PM

If you’re living long term in space you’d want to keep a nice garden / park, and would want to preserve useful plant in it. The botanical gardens have a lot of interlocking paths all through this big cube of space, going in and out of some other nearby rooms, that creates the illusion of a lot of space to wander in a relatively small area.

I’m going to start taking photos for analysis later

1:46 PM

And so I did:

I got really into this plant:

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It’s one of those really soft ones, the leaves feel like velvet.

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I thought these flowers were unrealistically blue. They’re some sort of crossbreed super-flower it seems.

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Heh heh, Orlando.

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I was very curious how these would taste.20150302_140853 20150302_140902 20150302_140919

I thought this would be a very disturbing illusion if you lived within that painting, like a two dimensional creature.

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I salute you Quinine, noble soldier against Malaria.

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Being a plant explorer would be a cool job.

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Spoken like a person who looks at a lot of flowers and is rarely hungry.

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Unsurprisingly, no one was interested in the room with the fake plants.

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I was unbelievably blown away by how these plants hung down.

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Is there a word for things that have been faked to look like evidence of a real thing? Check out the photo above: it’s made to look like Hawaii, with the land made of multiple layers of lava flows. 

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I went out side briefly so when I came back I would appreciate the warmth more20150302_144920

Did you know this is what coffee trees look like? I did not. Apparently practically nothing that we call a bean really is a bean: coffee beans, vanilla, at least one other kind of bean.

Okay

Writing here

Switched to writing stuff on my phone at this point.

I don’t know what level people are expected to enjoy looking at flowers on, but I feel like I am enjoying them on at least that many levels.
2:01pm

Okay unconsidered wrinkle: don’t empathize too much with the plants, or else it really becomes some body horror shit.

2:06pm

I feel like I’m in a starship. There are a couple hippies. I took their picture.

2:56 pm

On acid I always feel like people are giving me weird looks / mugging for the camera like Parks and Rec

3:00 pm

Which I then ended up watching for like 6 hours after I got home. I appreciated what a good message it has for young women.

I just took an hour-ish long tour of the garden. Endlessly fascinating! If you want to learn about life on Earth, this is where to come. Screw zoos and museums and all that shit with having a nervous system. We’ll see if it’s a fad.

The tour guide was really great. She was this nice old lady who was volunteering at the garden. She had an accent like Frank Underwood in House of Cards, but in all other ways was the opposite of him.

Botanical gardens are basically zoos for plants. I find it’s much easier to understand adaptation and evolution when looking at plants than animals. It lets you just think about what the genes are ‘trying’ to do without getting distracted by the somewhat different goal structure of an animal’s mind. Genes build brains to accomplish certain tasks, but sometimes the brains get ideas of their own and feel like they’re in charge.

3:49 PM

Where do flowers come from? Apparently they don’t know they didn’t exist in dinosaur times. They’re an adaptation to animals being a thing. Some plant realized you can manipulate animals ON PURPOSE, get them to choose the best flower, best fruit, spread your genes for you. We are all just helping plants have sex with each other.

3:55 PM

What if speaking a language made you think in a certain way?

Shit it totally does.

But what if that way had to do with how it makes you hold your face, and so it just makes you feel happy or sad to use those words?

Do linguists take that sort of thing into consideration? Because it really does seem like

Got distracted at this point. Think about the fact that your facial expression effects your mood. Not only do you smile when you’re happy, smiling makes you happy, since your brain apparently notices the smile, and figures it must be happy about something. This works for other, subtler, things as well, like squinting puts people in a bad mood. Anyway, I’d assume different languages make you hold and move your mouth in different ways. So what does that do to your mood, or indeed to your personality over the course of a lifetime?

Shit a kid came through acting like he was hurting the plants and I was very upset.

It’s funny comparing this to the art gallery or the zoo. It sort of has aspects of both. Old people, small children, stuff to look at…. social class or something… I will do that analysis later

The classiness of a place is determined by what kind of people like to go there. Zoos are low class because any idiot / small child can get a kick out of seeing cool animals. Art Museums are higher class because they’re less universally appealing – they appeal to people who are into art, which I imagine correlates pretty highly with education level. The botanical garden is sort of in between. 

The main thing I end up watching is other people

That’s still the social environment I’m in.

Is the real reason we have sexual taboos just so that people don’t think too hard about their own goal structure?
4:05pm

Your mind was designed to be an effective tool for your genes to produce copies of themselves back on the savanna. Everything else it does is just a side effect. 

Why is my number in my phone under someone else’s name?

I started typing it so I could text something to myself, and a contact popped up with my number but a different name. Very strange.

My Mind, My Digestive Tract: Two Complicated Systems I Know Little About

I feel sort of bloated, and I feel like I feel that way a lot. I don’t really know what it is.

I keep switching positions and whatnot, but nothing seems to help for that long. It helps to burp sometimes.

And sometimes things that I wouldn’t expect to help, do, in ways that makes me think that it’s psychological? But then other things like the burping make me realize that that’s probably not the case?

Idk, the human body and mind and whatnot are complicated.

4:21 PM

A flower implies an audience

4:25 PM

I’m now realizing all my Facebook posts and shit exist in a format only accessible through facebook. That sucks!

4:26 PM

I have a lot of feelings. Some of them are inside me trying to get out, some of them are outside me and they seem to want to come in.

4:49 PM

I didn’t really think anything that made me think that.

4:50pm

Still feeliand;kjfnaknvkjan kuanvk;uandvkjnadk;jvnajgha;lnvkj;afvkjaf;hkjnajf,nbkjfenb

Just visited the botanical gardens which were really great. Blalh albhalhbkjahbl;ka

Haha, I was getting annoyed at the process of writing at this point.

5:02 PM

I stumbled across this comic and it really spoke to me: http://dresdencodak.com/2010/05/10/evan-guest-comic/

5:10 PM

I cannot recommend Dresden Codak highly enough. The current Dark Science arc works as a standalone, and I reread the whole thing yesterday. It starts a couple pages forward from the comic I linked to. Do yourself a favor and go read it. It’s a great trippy transhumanist alternate reality webcomic. The art is great, and the whole thing warrants careful examination. Tripping was a great state to look at it, both because of the attention to detail it gave me, and the fact that it slowed my reading speed and made me spend more time on each page.

I read about how Huxley or somebody first did a psychedelic drug and went on some rant about drapery, and what a great art form it was.

So definitely my thoughts about bloating shouldn’t be taken uncritically (when they come in a couple hours)

7:31 PM

I had an incredible trip to the botanical gardens. They are just so wonderful. And my house is so lame by comparison. Whenever I trip I come back to the house and feel sort of trapped.

I keep thinking I should just wait until it’s nice out, but then I keep thinking of fun things to do like this. This time for sure though: no more trips until it’s comfortable to chill outside all day!

7:33 PM

Rereading what I just wrote, maybe I should use footnotes? My paragraphs all seem to trail off into parentheticals.

7:49 PM

I think I’ve been having an issue with bloating.

Now if you’re a guy you may not even know what this is.

If you’re a girl you’re rolling your eyes at the existence of guys like that.

I’ve been feeling it on and off lately, and have been fairly annoyed by it, but didn’t really make an effort to do anything about it.

LSD seems to usually make it worse, but mainly in the sense of being hyper-aware, and thus obsessing over any discomfort.

Anyway, so my first revelation was basically just the above: that I should be looking into it at all.

I’ve had a whole interesting experience looking up remedies, because what I discovered was that bloating is a symptom women get during their periods. So I’m looking through all these websites for which I’m not the target demographic. There was plenty of helpful advice. Also I saw things that horrified me.

Think about what an awful feeling bloating is for women in our society: for any guys who aren’t familiar, it makes you feel like your stomach is overinflated, like a balloon with too much air in it (not a bad analogy for the whole gross situation). It seems like it’s not a feeling you’d want to have if you were already having any body image issues, since you just feel fat and overinflated, and well bloated (which makes sense, because how I made this connection in the first place was me googling my symptoms that I “felt bloated” and then realizing that that was already an incredibly common term for the symptom I was trying to describe.)

So this leads to me thinking “Oh hey, maybe I should drink tea instead of coffee today, and oh, I guess I’ll use my (female) roommate’s non-caffeinated peppermint tea, since more caffeine is not needed on acid day (by the way, did you realize that the word “caffeine” derives from the word “coffee”? Me neither, I just made that statement up, but I bet it’s true!)

Turns out it’s from “café”, the French word for coffee.

But then I got distracted (see above) and was looking up bloating remedies again, and the top thing being recommended was peppermint tea.

So clearly this is my roommate’s anti-bloating tea for when she has her period, and equally clearly, I’m not going to talk to her about this.

Anyway, the conclusion of my bloating story was that after looking at the risk factors, I think my issue is that I eat a lot in the evening and then go to sleep with a full stomach. Most likely a consequence of my getting high a lot in the evening. So yeah, cut down in on the munchies, eat a better breakfast to balance it out, onwards and upwards.

7:52 PM

I hate closing tabs on my computer. If I go to check what that tab was, then that page has to load up, and it takes forever. And it takes so long loading that I can’t just go and ex out

When I do LSD what I really get into is well craftedness – like being able to see the intentionality in something, and having it work. I can’t stop seeing the media rather than the substance, so what works is where they complement each other well.

Examples of things that have been great on LSD: Dresden Codak (above), Jurassic Park, Alien, Parks and Recreation.

I live in a row of houses, I always hear people going up and down stairs and whatnot next door, and when on acid it seems like they’re somewhere in my house.

The problem with centaurs is I don’t think they could be born with that spine shape. Just try to imagine it. Or better, don’t.

10:37 PM

How much of our sex culture is driven by getting hangovers the next morning? You’re much more likely to feel regretful. I wonder about the sexual cultures of different subcultures.

And that’s where it trailed off into the allure of my Parks and Rec marathon. Thanks for reading all the way through (or skipping to the end)!


Watching Alien on Acid

I have decided to watch Alien. I just had a long, busy, day, and was sort of at loose ends. I was just getting myself worked up sitting around in my house. I went for a walk. It was a great move, it made me feel a lot better immediately. And then on top of that, I started thinking about what movie would be good to watch.

First I thought Children of Men, which was excellent. But then I thought it was a bit too much of a perfect artifice or some trippy logic like that.

So then I thought back to the best movie experience I’ve had while tripping: Jurassic Park. It is just such a great, fun, movie. My problem with other movies is that I get too caught up in the movie history and get taken out of it – Star Trek Into Darkness was awful for this. Jurassic Park was great because it was original, producing all these dinosaur tropes fresh that would then later pervade the culture.

So then I thought Alien. I had also read this review of Aliens that morning, which I now realize likely put it on my mind. I figure it’s the same sort of “lots of cool, reasonably original stuff”

11:16 PM

Shit think about ancient alien artifacts floating in space. Presumably any civilization is just throwing out an ever expanding cloud of probes and dead ships and whatnot, drifting through space. So any civilization that died would likely leave behind a lot of that sort of thing. Millions of years later it could be drifting all over the galaxy in deep space, waiting for future civilizations to find it.

I guess the real obstacle is I have a hard time seeing how a legit space based civilization could go extinct. Once you’ve got the ability to live and extract resources in space, what’s going to stop you? Even if there are huge disasters, I can’t imagine anything would be so severe as to get down below the level of there being intelligent life all over the place.

I guess it’s sort of a trope because we look out and see a sterile universe, or at least one with no obvious signs of not being sterile, so you have to deal with the Fermi paradox and all that. If the way that it works is that space faring civilizations never go extinct, then there have not yet been any space faring civilizations, because where the fuck are they?

11:40 PM

Ridley is such a badass for refusing to open the door for the away team. She says there’s a 24 hour quarantine, and that they could all die. The rest of the crew yells at her but she stands firm. Then they go around her and override her to let them in.

It’s such a cool defining character moment: she’s the one who will make the ruthless move to go by the book and leave her buddies out in the cold, for the greater good. In other situations, in other movies, that would be a dick move. Here if they had listened to her everyone’s lives would be saved.

❤ Ripley

11:48 PM

Oh crap, and then she gets suspicious of her robot crewmate because he doesn’t agree with her… awesome. Compare this to most other ‘badass’ heroines. Ripley shows her mettle when she’s just being a regular Joe, well before she shows she can do the action hero thing too if needed.

11:56 PM

2/11/2015

Ahh, what a great movie to watch! I reaffirm this decision. It doesn’t let any part of the production slide, it’s all just super-well made. You’ve got the great used future working class in space aesthetic for the humans, you’ve got the crazy Giger shit for the aliens, you’ve got the badass female main character, it does some good stuff with the AI and there are probably lots of great bits I haven’t even gotten to!

(and of course the horror aspects!)

12:02 AM

2/12/2015

Oh shit I’m watching the chestburster scene right now. They’re eating… uh oh! Problem.

What’s wrong?

Starts thrashing on the table.

They do Doctor stuff

Blood spurt and everyone freezes.

Further seizures.

FUUUUUUUCK

Oh my god it looks around at them for so long.

And then it bolts and just silence.

That can ruin your whole day.

12:06 AM

The only problem with the working class in space thing is that it’s nonsense. For a civilization at anything like our technological level, a spaceship is going to be an expensive project. This portrays the people as like what I’d expect to find on an oil rig in North Dakota or something, which I assume is the sort of look they were going for. It’s really awesome, but I just don’t buy these guys as astronauts entrusted with a multi-billion dollar interstellar spacecraft. Why skimp on crew costs when they’ll be a tiny fraction of the total?

I guess that just calls into question the whole economic system of whatever they’re supposed to be doing out there. Hauling ore? I guess the point is just to get them into the space setting, don’t focus on the specifics. Very wise.

12:13 AM

Man, Ash the robot. It’s funny, he’s very human seeming. He even smiles and laughs with the crew. But then he has software built into his brain, carrying out orders.

The ship is its own little concern, with a captain and command structure, but they care about the company Ash represents. It’s sort of like a smartphone, which you own, but really it’s still working for Apple or Google or whoever. I was recently stymied trying to do use adblock on my phone because Android has reduced the number of settings they give you access to, it seems in order to prevent apps like adblock from working. They don’t want you to block ads after all.

Imagine building straightjackets like that into an artificial personality, instead of just the phone’s OS.

And then imagine selling that artificial personality, or renting it, or whatever.

12:26 AM

Fuck and then Ripley finds out that orders have been given to treat her and the rest of the crew as expendable if that’s what it takes to recover an alien specimen.

I don’t think the name has come up, but I find myself needing it: the Weyland-Yutani Corporation is the puppet master. What motherfuckers.

12:31 AM

Oh they didn’t know that Ash was a robot? That was weird, they bashed him to pieces and then were all surprised that he was a robot? It’s funny watching these movies with relatively vague memories of them.

12:36 AM

“I can’t lie to you about your chances, but you have my sympathies”

Hahaha oh Ash you asshole.

12:37 AM

Actually until the very end (the part I’m now getting to) Ripley doesn’t really do much action hero stuff this whole movie. I guess its another memory coloration thing, that was more in Aliens.

12:39 AM

Ripley carrying the cat around at the end is pretty great I admit. It’s just such a ridiculous situation, but then you think, what are you going to do, leave the cat behind?

12:51

Oh my god this scene of Ripley undressing on the shuttle is great. Super-hot, but also just great in the unself-conscious ragged, everygirl sense. Great little moment to throw in before the final alien attack.

12:57 AM

The Alien is awfully smart to have gotten on to Ripley’s shuttle with her. What conception did it have of the ship they were on? Did it know they were going to self-destruct and get on the shuttle to escape? Is it just trying to kill Ripley and so went and hid on the shuttle to wait for her? But then it would have to know she was planning to use the shuttle at least.

So is the Alien smart? It’s hard to tell. I guess it didn’t hack into the computer mainframe or anything… though now that you mention it the mysterious corporation represented by impersonal machines does seem to be doing the alien a lot of favors.

12:59 AM

Haha oh no, suddenly there’s a brief outer space scene with unbelievably bad special effects. Like obvious guy in a costume swinging on a rope.

1:00 AM

Oh Ripley, what a great representative of humanity. Your life is driven by vast impersonal forces and terrifying entities outside of your control, but you are just making it happen, working your dumb job, getting by, and ready to do whatever it fucking takes to survive when the rubber hits the road. Keep on keeping on Ripley.

1:04 AM


Miracleman!

Or Marvelman

Miracleman!

Alan Moore is a crazy, weird, awesome dude.

One of his early comics was called Marvelman

Let me tell you a story:

It’s the eighties.

This guy is just going about his job. He has weird dreams, whatever, he’s an ordinary guy.

One day he goes to work, he happens to be a reporter, and is at a nuclear power station when some terrorists (they’re everywhere!) attack.

He gets put into deadly danger, and suddenly there’s a flash of lightning: bam! He turns in MARVELMAN! One terrorist gets his faced burned off just watching it happen.

Marvelman flies around. He has memories from his regular life, but also from his life as Marvelman, this ridiculous Silver Age of comics style super-hero, basically just a rip-off of Shazam!

Now to give context, that’s what Marvelman was, an old timey Captain Marvel ripoff, long before Alan Moore got a hold of him. He had forgettable British superhero adventures decades before Moore got a hold of him.

So in comic, he is just this dude, living in the real world with no superheroes, who suddenly has superpowers, and a memory of a life full of 1960’s comic nonsense.

He flies home to his wife, and from what I can remember, immediately has sex with her. She is suitably impressed by his superhuman form. Later he turns back into regular guy.

Ah, so now we get to what reminded me of Miracleman (the name confusion is a result of copyright issues): the “Miracleman” state is just a much better state than the dude’s regular life. He starts to develop a complex. My wife loves the superhuman version of me more, the superhuman version is better at everything, it’s a lot smarter, etc. Of course it’s him, he has the same memories and all either way, it’s just a different version of him is having access to those memories.

Sort of like, y’know, taking acid. You’re still you, just inhabiting reality differently. And then imagine how much bigger of a deal it would be if not only were your perceptions different, but you were actually physically different in the two states. When you’re in one state, you can almost think about the version of you that will be / has been in the other has something separate or other.

Anyway, ultimately the guy ‘commits suicide’ by changing into Miracleman one last time and leaving a note to Miracleman to not change back, thanks.

Quite a bummer really.

A crazy amount of additional super-crazy shit happens in Miracleman: but the conclusion to the main plot is below, so if you plan to read it (AND BY GOD, I RECOMMEND YOU DO!) and haven’t yet maybe don’t read on.

Okay my conscience is clear.

So Miracleman finds out that some alien crashed on Earth. Scientists reverse engineered its spaceship and figured out a way to make these doubles of people that would have superpowers, that they could then switch in and out of hyperspace. So at any one time either Miracleman, or regularman are in this weird other dimension, in storage, and the other is out doing stuff. The scientists (British government scientists) for some godforsaken reason decide that the way to control these superhumans is to keep them in this trippy dream state most of the time, just dreaming their lives away in shared comic book hallucinations with their superhuman buddies.

Then when they’re needed for something they maneuver the dreamers into position within the dream, wake them up and deploy into the real world, they go do something, and then fly back and go back into the dream.

It’s over-elaborate, but necessary I guess because each superhuman they create has the power of god. Think Silver Age Superman type shit. So if they just let them do what they want, they would be the kings of the Earth. You’d just have to hope that the superhumans were nice to everybody else, because normal humans would live on sufferance. On the other hand control them, and that power is at your fingertips.

Ultimately they just get too freaked out by the whole thing, the government trashes the program, tries to blow them up with a nuke, a surviving superhuman washes up in normal form and lives a life. And then he remembers all this Miracleman stuff, setting the plot in motion to reveal the above.

PS

The superhumans do indeed become kings of the Earth, and luckily they are indeed pretty nice.

I think Miracleman may be my favorite Alan Moore comic, over much better known ones like V for Vendetta or Watchmen. It may be a little less slick and coherent, but it makes up for it with balls to the walls acid trip insanity. It’s somewhat hard to get these days because copyright issues have made it difficult to publish, and also shut it down in the middle of the next big story arc, written by Neil Gaiman taking over from Alan Moore. So basically I’m saying go pirate it and read it right now.


Writing While Tripping

Onward!

Onward!

Out on the beautiful mall. The desperate desire to write in the journal because I know that’s what I’ll want later vs just wanting to have fun and look at shit haha. Quite the dilemma. History is written by one very specific side of that argument. Like “present me” is feeling a lot of pressure from “future me”

4:08 PM

Okay I will just text myself

I will have to figure out a different way to do this, but typing on my phone while walking around is a good theory

4:13 PM

I started walking around the city at this point. Still wanted to write, but the journal was too inconvenient. So the above through 4:59 were all typed into my phone, texted to my email address, and then transcribed here.

It’s an excellent rhythm for how I walk through the city

4:14 PM

Plus word suggestions and timestamps and I’m used to it!

Oh I’ve hit a whole better level of commentary

4:15 PM

I’m at the department of labor

People seem to be laboring. Carry on

20150211_161618

4:16 PM

I’m so glad to have the notation issue handled!

4:17 PM

I love this hypothetical text conversation. Who am I addressing? Future me / anonymous internet people?

4:19 PM

The concrete jungle. What a great metaphor. Was just in New York and it made me think that a lot

4:20 PM

This is just a nice day out on the town. I already went to the dentist

4:21 PM

Just panicked that I lost my sweater but I did not

4:22 PM

Actually it was my scarf I thought I had lost…

Just heard someone talking about an underground website. Possibly

4:24 PM

Surprised this isn’t more of a tourist spot

This is where it happens. This is where the government is held accountable!

This is where it happens. This is where the government is held accountable!

4:25 PM

Tripping and people watching is pretty great

4:26 PM

You don’t have whatever usually stops you from sharing people’s mental space in public

4:27 PM

Fuck, I guess I should get one?

Fuck, I guess I should get one?

Nose is cold, slowly walking home

4:30 PM

I am walking up town a few blocks east of where I came down. It’s a poorer blacker less gentrified area

4:31 PM

What does the word yuppie mean? I was thinking young urban professionals, but others were disputing that and saying it means something else now

4:32 PM

I don’t think I really use my version with anyone, so they are probably right

It’s like that episode of Seinfeld where people are calling Kramer a hipster

4:33 PM

I can see the split right here actually

Garbage

Out of the art museum part of town I guess

4:35 PM

Is my experience in the moment of my record of it more important?

4:36 PM

This bird knows what I’m talking about

PART_1423690625244_.IMG_20150211_163633

4:37 PM

Just heard a guy telling a kid he was a little fat crybaby. Brutal!

Fuck I can hear the little bastard shrieking from blocks away though, so I get it

4:38 PM

This is my art. Commenting on stuff while on acid.

4:39 PM

Had art on the brain by this point clearly.

I keep getting my wires crossed between this and internal monologue… I guess that what I wanted

4:40 PM

I think this was prompted by my being about to type something about how I needed to make a right turn coming up, and then realizing that was more of an internal monologue thought.

I am like an astronaut and my sober self is the space program

Anything I don’t bring back is not getting seen

4:41 PM

How it works around here is apparently that neighborhoods are like little tribes

And you rep your hood

4:42 PM

And I’m passing through all these borders that I’m not aware of

They fuck each other up, but why mess with some random white dude? So out of context

4:43 PM

It’s so great knowing that everyone is my friend. It must suck not to feel that way / not actually be that way

4:45 PM

But if you are one of my reddit readers, you’re probably fine.

4:46 PM

What’s this about? I feel like I’m on a scavenger hunt

The little dude to the right of the number caught my eyes

The little dude to the right of the number caught my eyes

4:47 PM

Look at all that nice stuff, we are gentrifying again!

PART_1423691325960_.IMG_20150211_164808

4:48 PM

I keep realizing I need to pee, and then remembering I already have a paln in place and am on my way

I just passed a cool looking couple that smelled like pot

4:50 PM

It’s really very nice while walking, just gets cold when you sit and stare

4:51 PM

Haha oh no finally took a wrong turn on a street I walk down every day

4:52 PM

I’m hearing “a day in the life” with the previous text

A street I walk down every day” to the tune of “a lucky man who made the grade”

Oh shit I need to turn off autocorrect

4:53 PM

I should try this level of moment to moment thought recording sober.

I guess I would be self conscious?

4:54 PM

Doesn’t sound so bad

4:55 PM

Thinking about how many miles I’ve walked today: a lot.

4:56 PM

This is the magic hour

Based on how long it’s been since I took acid

4:59 PM

The last couple times I’ve tripped I’ve gone out and done an activity (the zoo and now the museum) for a few hours during the peak, and then headed home. Sometime during the last couple texts I arrived home. The ‘magic hour’ I guess means right after I get back home and can focus on hallucinating after a long walk where I can’t stop and stare at things as much. No more texts.

Trying to get stuff done during the peppy part of “a day in the life”

It’s interesting how relationships with other people change how you think.

[girlfriend’s name] is definitely making me a lot more health conscious. Not even because she’s paying attention to my health (though she is to an extent I guess) but because she is just constantly taking actions based on how they effect her health, her weight, her appearance… I can’t think of the last time I was motivated to do anything by those… traits? Values?

It’s interesting how other people’s mental state influences your own over the long term, just through the things they find important or are concerned about.

I think of [teacher girlfriend’s name] students basically as wild animals. Living in the concrete jungles. They don’t have a decent education. Barely literate. Living in a poor, violent, area.

I think of them as animals not in the sense of devaluing them… but in terms of how much difference there is from my own life. I can most get at it with animal metaphors. Maybe because I was at the zoo the last time I tripped.

Harsh dude. Man I hear stories about these kids in inner city DC schools though, it’s crazy how bad the conditions are, not so much at the school but everywhere else in the kid’s lives. Education is not the solution to poverty, fixing poverty is how you get those poor kids to do better in school.

It’s fun to word vomit all this stuff. This is the first trip where I’ve made a serious effort to record / the first trip where I recorded with the expectation that anyone besides me would hear the recording.

Fuck, I’m definitely getting distracted by my own voice exactly like I did when I was tripping in groups.

Distracted from what? ‘real’ trip experiences I guess? Hallucinating? Not like I’m ‘supposed’ to be doing anything in particular.

If anything the only thing I’m supposed to be doing is writing, that’s the only productive activity I’m working on, the rest is just enjoyment.

Wait what?

I need to change rooms. And smoke some weed.

-5:10 PM

Haha “Let’s smoke weed about it”

The walk is important to drain energy and timestamps are vital for archaology (explain that sober self)

5:12 PM

What my tripping former self colleague is trying to say is that the above entry was in my jouranl, while previous entries had been on the computer. I knew I would eventually be compiling various different records together, and referred to the process of doing so as archeology. Well, ‘archaology’, but give me that one, I was tripping pretty hard. It has been an interesting project already putting this stuff together into semi-readable form, and there’s still much more to do.

Am I part of a whole demographic group of people whose main intellectual activity is this hyper-anonymized communication through the internet?

Like I’ve got my own peer group and everything, but if I’m thinking about engaging with ideas, or things that change the way I think, it’s basically just me reading and commenting on blogs.

That’s a bummer I guess. Like with the ancient greek city stuff from earlier, it would be sweet to … have friends? Haha oh no!

Be part of the intellectual community? Have more of a connection with my city? Have my friends be people I can philosophize with?

Some are I guess, but it’s not something I would really do, unless we were tripping I guess.

-5:17 PM

Give it up fellow members of that demographic group. I see a bunch of these types when I go to Jacobin magazine reading groups. Also, go hit up the lsd meetups subreddit.

OMG the vape is taking forever to warm up. I have been typing this whole time (above).

Art is so sweet.

Having switched to a keyboard makes me able to type a LOT faster than writing by hand or on my phone.

Not sure if the degree to which that lets me do my exact internal monologue is good or bad

5:19 PM

Writing in my journal during the day is very restrictive: it takes a lot of effort to write a little. While typing with the keyboard I can type almost as fast as I can think. Well not really, but much closer!

May have scorched my weed a little, but recovered it! Close call!

5:20 PM

I need to check that my text messages to my own email came out in not too annoying of a format…

That part came earlier.

I can probably do that tomorrow though.

When did I post stuff before?

Ugh, I worry I’m giving myself a complex with all the writing. Time for a looking at stuff and not considering how it makes me feel later break. I guess that’s what I always say when I stop writing, and then I get distracted, and see something cool, and then I want to write about it and then I’m back here oh right. On the plus side I’m getting some synesthesia or something with these sentences, so that’s cool. Oh hell no spell check. I may not know how to spell that word, but it is definitely a word!

Okay I need a break.

5:26 (hahaha) PM

I think I was amused by the time because it seemed like it had been an incredibly long time since the previous entry at 5:20. I had written some stuff, decided to stop writing, had a whole hallucinatory experience, and then started writing again. Seemed like a lot for 6 minutes.

Oh right I forgot that weed could take the pain away. Ohhh that’s the best. I get less taken over by this than by the computer.

I should have stayed at the art museum where I’d have something else to write about

5:29 PM

By ‘this’ I meant writing in the journal. I had decided to do that in the break from typing on the computer.

Oh man

I just had / am sort of still having a super awesome hallucaination

I was writing in my journal and my two fingers on my right hand had fallen asleep because of how I was sitting and that was somehow incorporate into the hallucination, like my arm was bending into a space that wasn’t there. And meanwhile I was staring at the journal writing and really focusing on that, and also on all these hallucinations around the journal

Faces and mouths and whatnot

And also in the writing

but I was writing it at the same time. And I was trying to write it down at the same time. Okay you get it. But it ended up looking really cool on the page.

And later that picture will be right there. Boom! Magic like in Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey! In the future it’s there!

Transcription: Actually now I'm having a great writing based hallucination I'm just seeing stuff I guess and I'm seeing shapes oh shit garbled-garbled-what I can only assume is the secrets of the universe-garble YAY!

Yep, in the future it’s here!

Transcription: Actually now I’m having a great writing based hallucination I’m just seeing stuff I guess and I’m seeing shapes oh shit garbled-garbled-what I can only assume is the secrets of the universe-garble YAY!

And then the next paper journal entry isn’t for many hours.

Oh right anyway, so this stuff on the page looked so cool.

And now I’m the meta part, coming down writing about writing about writing about it. And there’s not really any it except for whatever is on the page and this weird feeling I had.

Fuck I can see how real writers could work themselves into a tizzy.

Or maybe this is how real neurotic people work themselves into a tizzy?

Haha oh boy. I was thinking sort of in loops, about my writing something, and then my going back and reading it again, and then commenting on it (as I’m doing right now) and then posting it out for other people to read. And the whole concept of going around and around like that blew my mind.

Oh, though now I just had a nice hallucination about my big bag of weed filling up sort of like a peacock opening its tail, which fuck is now happening sort of with everything. I think it’s something about how the light from the lamp hits things, it’s right behind me. I will test by looking the other way.

Okyjokjlkj kjkdsjf

My Volcano vaporizer bag expanding, so beautiful.

Oh shit I think it partially had to do with how I was batting on the keyboard, and that was making it bob up and down on my leg… oh no I see what it is! My shifting weight on the mattress is making the laptop jiggle, and that’s changing how the reflection of the lamp looks in the background. But I lost it in the course of adjusting myself to write this paragraph. This is that same dilemma! Hahaha so frustrating. But now I’m having laughing hallucination from further screen jiggling, so it’s all good.

Okay, maybe on this break I will do more than just reach over to my journal.

O shit I’m having a hallucination where the yay on that same page keeps loookng like a dude, possibly with sunglasses, out of my peripheral vision. He seems to be plottign with other ridiculous drawing people, again, aargh this paragraph is literally being attacked by creatures from my subconscious

Okay I think I will take that as my cue to sign off for a sec, Jesus

-5:46 PM

I almost feel bad about how amused by my own struggle I am. I decided to leave the spelling as is on the bit above, I think it emphasizes how it felt in the moment. The word ‘yay’ in my journal also sort of looked like a pair of glasses or sunglasses. At some points they were like an anthropomorphic sunglasses man, who also sort of looked like a ‘yay’

Well… Finishing up a much longer period of absence (over an hour!).

6:57PM

Basically decided I had to take a break from writing down my internal monologue before I went nuts. I had to let a lot of clever thoughts and written records of dope hallucinations go down the memory hole, so that I’d accept that it was okay to forgot about things.

Huh, it’s actually coming back a bit when I sit here and type. Not really pleasantly. Ugh, I’m endlessly fiddling with the lighting in this room. There’s a bunch of light switches in different rooms and a dimmer on the main ones and it’s just complicated and annoying and apparently there’s no setting that works regardless of where I sit on the couch. Endless agonies haha.

Delicious Utz Bar-B-Q orange chips. They are my crack. When I was little I didn’t really know what flavor they were supposed to be, they just were what they were. So now I have that childhood memory, and they are amazing. And that’s why junk food companies advertise to kids.

7:03PM

Huh, just realized that means I probably shouldn’t be eating them either…. no it’s too late for me! I need those hedons, and my memories are already formed! Go, save the next generation! Don’t get the children addicted! It’s too late for those of us already born!

7:04 PM

Hedons, like a unit of pleasure. I don’t know how common a word that is.

On further reflection I mostly agree with the above, with a few caveats.

Fuck, I forgot what they were.

7:05 PM

Oh wait right I forgot! There’s no reason not to recount what I remember from the forgetting-period:

First I took a shower. It was great, as showers tend to be. I hadn’t showered while still really tripping before, so that was an experience. I closed my eyes, and I got this really cool sensation like my eyes were still open, to the extent that I kept wanting to blink , but then realizing my eyes were already closed.

And I would look around and it was like I was in this infinite black void – I guess that’s what it was, I was tricking myself into thinking that what I saw when I had my eyes closed was what was going on around me. And so basically I was using all of my senses in unity to sense my environment, except that my eyes were closed, so vision was just giving some vague perceptions of light, but was made up for by hallucinations. I would reach out and feel the walls of the shower, and it felt like a more complex shape than it was when I had my eyes open. It was interesting going back and forth between the two states, opening and closing my eyes, going from the shower to whatever – trapped in a clear box in some infinite hallucination filled black void.

As I write this now later it seems a little freaky, but it was quite enjoyable at the time.

Another great moment came when realizing I had control over the hot and cold water. Really it was just that some subconscious thought process was wishing the temperature was a little higher, and then I was like “hey buddy, it’s all good, look this thing goes as high as we want it to:”

It was a very pleasant sense of realization, of epiphany sort of. And of course I went to the metaphor of waking up from life. Like you realize that life was just a hallucination. That things you worry about were just something that you got worked up about mid-hallucination because you didn’t remember that it wasn’t really a problem.

Let’s say you are some immortal super-intelligent being in a super-advanced civilization You have everything you want, except one thing: challenge, excitement, danger. You are so powerful that it’s a bit boring. So what’s the intense drug of choice? You go live out a whole regular lifetime of a primitive being (like us) in a simulation with your memories erased and your mind reduced to fit. You get to experience the joys and sorrows of a lowly mortal. And then when it’s over, you die in the simulation, and find yourself waking up in the real world. And things come steadily back to you like at the end of an acid trip. You laugh that you were so concerned about your human problems, that shit has been solved.

Really just another version of the afterlife in a sense I guess – you die and realize everything is awesome after all.

7:16 PM

Figured I’d put in a timestamp.

And then I got distracted so it was a good stopping point.

It’s interesting how my subconscious is spreading out into the materials world. Like different parts of my mind can do different things at different times basically independent of each other. No, what does that mean?

7:19PM

Seriously, what does that mean?

Okay new experiment: try typing with your eyes closed:

Okay, I’m typing with my eyes closed.

It’s pretty cool.

The keyboard seems a little separated between my twohands. Like I’m less aware of the space between them, or like they’re in two different places.

It’s a little hard to type. I guess I’m going to jyst eaaccept that there will likely be a ton of typos and move on, and I can clean it up later or not as appropriate. I’m guessing it will lnneeed a lot of cleanupo.

On the other hand I’m going deeper and retaining the keyboard connection.

Dope. It would suck to wake up and realize that I wastyping aoon the wrong keys or sonmetrgungin

Oky

Okay, focus.It is like my hnads are nowhere near each other.

I just touched thumbs and it was very centering.

Lovely.

I see shapes. I’m just moving out of the part of the trip where I could just stare at anything it would be going nuts, but there are still things that will make me trip out, just fewer.

Okay, bored of that, taking a break.

7:25 PM

Decided to not clean it up, figured the typos add to the eyes closed typing experience.

Just had a nice chat with my roommate about our new fridge. She didn’t even know I was tripping. I wasn’t really trying to hide it or anything, just didn’t come up.

7:33 PM

I’m always amazed by how normal I can act when tripping when I want to.

I don’t like that big wad of cream cheese in the middle of a bagel. It’s too much. I just popped it out of this bagel.

7:35 PM

And that seems like a good break point. Next up is my trippy self summarizing the plot of the great Alan Moore comic Miracleman for some reason.


Trip to the Art Museum

Italics indicate later annotations.

Just Dropped

20150212_105415

11:31 AM

Haha oh no, some guys just arrived with a new fridge and my landlord came up to help. Tabs still under my tongue.

11:38 AM

Lucky they didn’t arrive a few minutes earlier or I might not have tripped at all.

Good attitude past self.

11:48 AM

I am about to head to the National Gallery of Art, but am waiting to help switch stuff between fridges when the new one is set up.

11:50 AM

Is morality more about your inner mammal vs inner reptile

or inner mammal vs inner man / inner ape / hominid

12:52 PM

Nice transition from not tripping much at all to totally tripping balls. I was just starting to hallucinate when my landlord walked out of my living room.

I don’t know if it’s psychosomatic or what, writing is hard.

1:18 PM

Going around in an artist’s wing is like going around inside their head. People looking back out of portraits at the artist.

1:24 PM

The nervous sweaty guy being paid to stand around with a gun in this museum room is not doing it for me.

1:27 PM

Art is so weird, as someone coming to it through pop culture.

The idea that most of your audience is after your own death.

All this 1600’s Dutch stuff, they were just painting what they saw, but for me the main value is as a period piece.

What I mean by ‘coming to it through pop culture’ is that the experience I have in analyzing and enjoying creative products is mostly with stuff being produce right now. It’s interesting to see all this stuff so out of it’s time and context. Like if snooty people a few hundred years from now were watching modern television, and having people explain to them what the deal is with the product placement, and all the little assumptions we make that they’re not aware of.

1:32 PM

People keep filling the rooms I’m in.

1:36 PM

This building is so trippy. Regardless of the art, just having huge expanses of wood is great.

The whole building is unbelievably cool.

I sort of have a stomach ache. Hopefully it will pass soon.

For some reason writing it down did. Yay!

1:39 PM

I think what I meant was that it helped the stomach ache.

Oh it’s great to shift rooms. I just went from a bunch of bummed dead Dutchmen to a bunch of dope ships and clouds. Also, note deteriorating writing.

1:41 PM

Noted

Noted

My handwriting broke free of the lines of the page sometime during the above journal entries.

What would a psychedelic city be like? Like what if there were just a few square miles where everyone inside was tripping

1:46 PM

Was tripping pretty hard and looking at Dutch cityscapes.

“Interior of Oude Kerk”

“Interior of Oude Kerk”

took a picture. Says a lot about gender relations. I thought about how the gender relations of the early 1600’s Amsterdam needed to be brought down and then realized that they were probably fine

I mean what are you gonna do, they’ve been dead for centuries.

1:51 PM

I think I need a snack but I’m a little nervous to go to the cafe.

1:52 PM

I see some young Asian men wandering around taking photos of art. What are they getting out of this?

I just listened to some dude describe a piece in great detail and it was great. Great enough that I’m currently writing about it instead of searching for food. This museum is so cool but I need to eat Crap

This guy was leading a tour or something, I just popped by and listened to him talk about the symbolism and detail that we miss in this painting because we're not 17th century Dutchmen.

This guy was leading a tour or something, I just popped by and listened to him talk about the symbolism and detail that we miss in this painting because we’re not 17th century Dutchmen.

For example, this is a self-portrait of the artist and his wife, inserted into the larger painting. He is drunk and disheveled and making a mess with his wife.

For example, this is a self-portrait of the artist and his wife, inserted into the larger painting. He is drunk and disheveled and making a mess with his wife.

2:06 PM

I’ve run into something meant to guilt trip Chinese tourists

20150211_140917

2:10 PM

There was this music emanating out, and all these pictures of Chinese human rights abuses, right out in front of the museum. I assume the point is to get it in front of the huge number of Chinese tourists who come through these museums. Fair enough I guess

I am these old people’s impression of a young person. I guess I feel like I’m not representatives.

Oh the joy of eating an apple!

Yum

Yum

2:30 PM

Ugh my lower teeth fit together in such a way that little bits of food get stuck, very frustrating!

2:32 PM

I was in this little cafe in the grounds of the national portrait gallery, where there’s also a cool little ice rink. I gobbled down a couple energy bars and an apple to fuel up.

20150211_142747

I might be getting a little sensory overload. Calming down.

2:34 PM

Awesome the picture of a candybar on my candybar came offf and floated around.

2:35 PM

For some reason I thought that was before my last time check. I was not.

2:36 PM

Heh heh, got a little confused there buddy?I think this had to do with writing down the time stamps. I had just written “2:35 PM” and thought I remembered writing a later time already.

I’m in a garden room with old people. It’s quite nice.

20150211_144657

Yes I actually made it back to the art gallery!

I was just out on the street getting granola bars and helped interpret for a schizophrenic who thought the food truck could get him pizza.

I felt like I was much more on his level.

2:49 PM

Haha okay I have no idea to what extent whoever this dude was, was schizophrenic. I just know I was at a little food stand, buying some granola bars, and this dude came up and kept trying to order pizza, and the dude in the truck was not a native English speaker, and was trying to accept the guy’s patronage. I explained to the dude that he could get other kinds of food at this truck, but he would have to seek pizza elsewhere. Not in those words. He seemed to get it though.

OMG the main non-old people are young asians. They seem very scheduled. Are they on a school trip? Here with parents? Hard to say.

2:51 PM

Looking around it seems like I’m in a TV drama. A bunch of well dressed people in a lavish setting, going about their business.

Not sure what that says about TV. Maybe just that actors are well groomed and movie sets are pretty?

2:53 PM

If I’m ever the messiah remind me not to just look like a bored little alien, even if it turns out that’s what being a messiah is all about.

I guess I don't know what expression baby Jesus is supposed to have

I guess I don’t know what expression baby Jesus is supposed to have

2:59 PM

Jesus, Christ why you gotta look so weird?

I guess I need to ask what I’m tripping for. Just to have a fun day? To produce journal material?

I’m recapitulating a conflict like between 2 people, one annoyed at the other for taking too many photos instead of living in the moment.

3:02 PM

A lot of that conflict ahead.

I can’t tell if writing is part of tripping, or part of talking about it after.

Because right now I’m writing, but later people will read this and respond.

Story idea: you are one mindstate, trying to get a message out in a diary before the jaws of sobriety rush in!

3:04 PM

I feel indescribably better with a full stomach. Christ.

This statue captured my feelings on having eaten.

This statue captured my feelings on having eaten.

3:05 PM

Fuck I think I’m starting to see the family resemblance amongst Medici’s. Feel very pretentious.

Don’t know when I became such a self-hating culture snob. I guess I’m more of an art rube! It’s lucky for me I’m a nice clean shaven young white dude that doesn’t attract much notice here.

3:08 PM

I was thinking like if I was black and scary, they might look more askance at me. But idk, I guess everyone is welcome in the museum. I’d be interested to see how they react to lower class people going around stinking up the place, but I guess the answer is that anyone sufficiently together to have an interest in art can probably put themselves together decently for a trip to the art museum, or else they’ve got other shit on their mind.

Oh nice, I just went from an awful echoey marble Italian room to a nice wooden Dutch room.

The sounds are a lot more muffled.

I didn’t write about it much while I was there, but the sound off the place was also very interesting. Some rooms were super-echoey, some super-soft and quiet. Going from big marble rooms to big wooden rooms to big carpeted rooms you really notice the difference.

Haha some kid is trying to pick out a painting for a project. Imagine if you could see other people who were looking into the same stuff as you, like how I can tell people are with me in the room (now none).

That’s just what a library is like I guess?

No, slightly later acid self. It’s more like if you could see who was looking at the same things on the internet as you? And I guess that you’d be able to see just sense

But imagine if you were in some little Greek city state, where it’s just you and your few hundred / thousand buddies who use the library.

I need a break from writing

3:15 PM

I think the fact that I wrote “I need a break” rather than stopping shows what a state I was in.

Instead I took pictures:

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This is a weird painting. My interpretation was that it’s an older dude and his weird looking young wife. Also the white horse seemed like it had very flirtatious eyes.

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Really I guess I was just amused by everyone’s expressions.

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Durrrr

Fat baby Jesus!

Fat baby Jesus! And horrifying rat-pig-dog!

Joseph (the bible character) flaunts his stuff

Joseph (the bible character) flaunts his stuff

I'll just leave this here.

I’ll just leave this here.

I get why people get into art. It’s a whole entertainment and cultural experience, like “being into TV” or “being into music” but you get to feel very fancy and hang out in nicely apportioned places with other fancy people, so basically winning the social status signaling game.

It’s so far from my area of expertise,

I thought this woman had a pinched and somewhat unpleasant expression that I found familiar.

I thought this woman had a pinched and somewhat unpleasant expression that I found familiar.

Probably. Who knows?

Probably. Who knows?

3:23 PM

Looking at the back of my hand is also great. I sort of see a bunch of weird patterns and then they fade out again. It’s very helpful for finding real patterns like how the veins go.

3:27 PM

That’s how I think psychedelics work in general: they just make you super-sensitive to patterns. So you’re more likely to see patterns that aren’t there, but also more likely to see ones that really are there. You just need to have a process where you see the billion possible patterns when you trip, and then sort through them afterward and find which ones were real / are useful insightful ways of looking at the world.

Find the photo of the dude in red on camera, synch up

That Medici chin and that weird front – cape style haunt me. I keep thinking statue heads are on backwards.

Done and done trippy self.

Done and done trippy self.

Giuliano de Medici. I guess if you want your name to live forever, being the patron of super-famous artists and having them do portraits and sculptures of you is not a bad way to go about it. Rich people in eras of big creatively flowerings are lucky.

3:53 PM

I will have to revisit the museum. I’m not sure if I’d still be interested when not tripping. It’s cool though, definitely potential for many days of tripping / culture / writing ahead!

Okay to the mall!

Onward!

Onward!

3:57 PM

Continued here